First is the Worst

I remember when I was younger and used watercolors for the first time. I mixed this rich amethyst color by swirling the black, blue, and purple all together in my little tray. When I achieved the dark purple I desired I was ecstatic to use it for my first brushstroke on my paper. However, I was ultimately disappointed when what showed up was a dribble of watery grey paint similar to the hue of the puddles in the streets after a storm. I tell you this because that’s a lot like how this blog post is being created, but in this case (unlike my naive child-self) I know that my first “stroke” will be ugly; and unfortunately the next few will be as well. But soon, I guaranty, you will begin to see the picture.

I have never been the creative-type. I enjoy following directions and making something that someone else has already devised so that there are limited chances for failure. Like when following a recipe that has the main ingredients sugar, chocolate, butter, and vanilla extract, there are only a limited number of ways where that recipe can go wrong. Like if you forgot to set the timer while it was in the oven, or mixed up the measurement of baking powder with baking soda and visa versa. Unfortunately these are things that have happened to me in the past even though now I consider myself an intermediate-level baker. These sort of mistakes happen in more areas of my life than just in the kitchen. When thinking about creating something for the public (like a blog) my exceedingly anxious mind makes a beeline to the times when I have destroyed things with written words telling me explicitly how not to:

Cookbook: “set the timer for 20 minutes and take them out to cool completely. Do not let them stay in the oven too long or else they will burn”.

My Brain: “Nahh forget the timer. I think we need some new hockey pucks”.

So how am I to trust myself to create something without help when I already know I can fail with directions?  That’s the question of the day, and one of the reasons why I have owned this WordPress Blog for about about a year now and have neglected to publish anything until today. There is no exact scale between failure and success, and no measurement for either. Whether or not you readers enjoy this post or not is up to you. But no matter which way on the scale I go I can always succeed at failing. I just need to write something down first.

 

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